Making my way, every day;
Walking the road, bearing the load.
Making it a little, but not all alone;
Starting a life, getting it going.
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Just a man, pausing in his daily walk to ponder.
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Friday, April 05, 2002
Wow, it's been awhile since I've written. Maybe that's a sign that my emotional roller coaster was cresting the hill; it seems now, however, that I'm rushing down it again. I fell so...so...disgusted with EVERYTHING. I'm tired of putting up with stupid roomate problems, tired of school, tired of the teeming whirlpool that is my family, tired of enduring. Funny, how endurance used to be one of my trademark qualities too. Of course, that alos might have something to do with the way that the "rosy veil of youth" has been lifted thses past few years. Here I thought college was supposed to be "the best time of your life." Hate to burst your bubble kiddies, but it isn't. It's like having a job, only there's no pay in it. Maybe I'm just digsuted with the way so many people slack through their education and still get by (and I'm probably jealous of their social successes). I wish I had the tools that I need to deal with life in the 21st century, but I don't think I like this brave new world that I'm being goose-stepped into. I honestly think I was built for another time period. Don't know which one, but it sure isn't this one, it seems. Why is it that I have to be trapped in this black pit of loneliness? Why does no one ever ry to see past the superficial level, to look upon the deeper and see the hidden beauty and goodness that is me? Why can't a single young lady - and perhaps there is the problem, that there is no such thing as a young lady anymore - take a chance on me? I realize that I may not be the best looking or most "cool" guy around, but I think I bring some things to the table that they can't. // No, I'm not gonna just tell you - you have to find out for yourself! // Seriously, what do women SEE in these assholes? I can;t think of a sinle person who wants to get used, abused, and treated like so much litter on the road of life, yet it seems that if a fellow acts that way, every girl swoons. Much as I'd like a girl to swwon for me, I have serious doubts that it'll ever happen. Why? Because of a few simple facts: I'm shy, in general, which apparently equates in modern vernacular to "homosexual" (despite the fact that I'm desperately attracted to women); nice guys finish last, and I being a nice guy seem therefore doomed; every time I try to let myslef out of the "shell," someone slams the door on me again. But now, I'm going to end this rant, before it goes too far. Like, before I trurly let myslef believe that this whole world ia giant stinkng shithole,full of little, reeking shitheads. And so, on that note, adieu.
1:23 AM
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