Making my way, every day;
Walking the road, bearing the load.
Making it a little, but not all alone;
Starting a life, getting it going.
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
Just a man, pausing in his daily walk to ponder.
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Sunday, February 03, 2002
Blah. Just blah. B - L - A - H. That pretty much describes life right now. Like the song says, "sorrow is a lonely feeling, unsettled is a painful place;" being all on your own - against the whole world, it seems - will tear you down so fast you won't even know what's happening. And when you wake up, wounded weary, and naked against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, you suddenly realize: I am SOOO spooned. And that would be me. I am SOOOOOO spooned that I don't think the depth and breadth of it can be measured, even fathomed. Pain seems to be the byword of my existence - look it up in the lexicon and you'll see a little picture of me by the word pain (and by "suffer" as well). I often wonder hoe Job was able to still praise when he hurt so badly. Not that I've been hit as hard as he was, but still, one's own pain is always easier to aggrandize. And yet, I really honestly think that no one can understand why I hurt so much, so often. I myself don't even really understand it. I just know that I hurt, almost always, and that I've learned to numb myself to the worst of it. Tottering at the brink of madness it seems - luckily, mostly due to divine providence, something always pulls me back before I fall, never to return. Thus the great dichotomy: I know that God loves me, enough to have died for me then, and to make sure I stick around now, and yet, I still feel utterly alone in this world. Even my closest friends can't understand. I can't even understand. I have to presume there's a reason for this, for me being this way; perhaps, someday down the road, I'll even know it. And maybe, once I get further on down the line, I'll remember this as light and passing trouble. I do know however, that today's trouble makes for tomorrow's blessing, as long as I keep on keepin' on. So go on I must, and await the lifting of this pall.
11:49 PM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
